It only takes a moment for your independent healthy parent to transition to being dependent with health concerns. Meaning the roles can instantly reverse - the parent becomes the child and the child becomes the parent. Being prepared for the transition can save you and your parent lots of time, money and heartache.
For me, the transition came swiftly and was completely unexpected. Doing a routine activity, my mother tripped, fell, injured her spinal cord, and had to have emergency surgery, followed by six (6) weeks of inpatient rehabilitation. I was caught off guard and completely unprepared. I had no plan.
Fortunately for me, the accident had no effect on my mother cognitively, so she was able to direct me to important documents and remind me of important names, dates, etc. However, the ordeal taught me an invaluable lesson – I needed to be prepared the next time. The below five (5) tips are not exhaustive nor are they mandatory. The below tips should be molded based on your situation and circumstances. However, I highly suggest you and your parent(s) think about the inevitable.
1. Have the hard conversations. No one wants to think or talk about his or her mortality; however, mortality is inevitable. Have the hard conversation. Parents need to be clear about their wants and desires. Children need to listen and respect their parent’s wishes.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who is integral in her father’s life and health care decisions. Her father has always been candid regarding his desires – if and when he gets ill. Unfortunately, her father has not had the same candid conversation with his other daughter. When the time comes, without him having an advanced directive, there will likely be turmoil between the two sisters.
Bottom line, parents need to have the candid conversation with ALL of their children, preferably at the same time. Additionally, parents should also have an advanced directive to ensure their wishes are met. Honor your parent’s wishes.
2. Important Documents.
Important documents include driver’s licenses, social security cards, medical insurance cards, Medicare cards, life insurance policies, etc. Know where all-important documents are, whether in a safety deposit box or in a drawer in your parents home or with a lawyer. Knowing where to find important documents will save you a lot time in the event of an emergency.
Make sure you have copies or scanned versions of all of your parent’s important documents. Consider keeping a scanned copy in a readily accessible medium, i.e., email or Dropbox.
3. Understand benefits. Both you and your parent need to have a comprehensive understanding of private medical insurance and/or Medicare coverage. For example, if your parent has private insurance and is over 65 with Medicare Part A coverage, then Medicare Part A serves as supplemental insurance in certain circumstances.
Having a firm grasp of these benefits will save you a lot of time and money. If you need an explanation of benefits, there are numerous resources online. Also consider asking the care provider for assistance in understanding your benefits. When my mom was admitted into the hospital, the hospital financial office was a plethora of information. Considering the hospital financial office deals with private insurance and Medicare on a daily basis, they truly enlightened me regarding my mother’s benefits. I even received advice regarding when my mother should apply for Medicare Part B and C and supplemental insurance options.
Bottom line, know the benefits but don't be afraid to ask for assistance.
4. Have access. All children should not automatically have access and signature authority on their parent’s accounts. Rather, parents need to make a determination of which child or children are responsible enough (and financially independent enough) to handle the parent’s finances.
This may be a difficult conversation to have with your parent. Have the conversation early when your parent is healthy both physically and cognitively. Additionally, do not take your parents decision personally - it's not about you. Leave your ego and your feelings at the door.
Also, make sure to have access to your parent’s home, cars, etc.
5. Estate planning. Please encourage your parents to visit an attorney to draft and execute estate planning documents - will, advanced directives, etc.
Again, this is a personal decision for your parents. Do not take your parents decision personally - it's not about you. It's about your parent’s wishes. Again, as adult children being economically independent is crucial. One good rule of thumb, I've always lived by is to that if my parents decided to leave 100% of their estate to charity, then my life would not be impacted because I have independently developed my own wealth.
If your parents have sufficiently planned their estate, this cuts down on the questions and uncertainty.
Additionally, life insurance should be discussed and considered.
I hope this advice helps you make a plan.